It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye.

Words escape me as I attempt writing my fiftieth post. Tears feel like acid burning my eyes as I wipe them away with my sleeve. Steven Moffat has outdone himself with the prequel and The Name of the Doctor. I would say that the pain feels much more real in this episode than in The Angels Take Manhattan.

 

I think in part, because it is the last series episode we shall ever see with Matt. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that prospect. He may be the Roger Moore of the franchise, but then again he is so unequivocally more than that. I recall the first time I heard Matt speak after the announcement and he was surprised at the emotional devastation left by the fans. To some degree, we were acting as if he had died and it was our time to mourn. I think that moment speaks volumes to what he does mean to us. It is so hard to say goodbye and there does seem to be a void left in our hearts. It is almost like for a moment we simply don't know how to move on.

 

Yes, we may have two episodes left, but it isn't the same. Not really. There will never be anyone like him. In my humble opinion, there will never be anyone nearly as talented.

 

My journey into the Whoniverse began with this episode. I already knew that Matt would forever be my doctor. I just didn't know that I would see all the references in the episode as a gateway into learning more about the franchise. The opening scene with Clara interacting with all the doctors and later again with the Great Intelligence bearing witness to the various doctors and once more with all the faces and moments flying around the Doctor's life stream.

 

It beckoned me to embark on a journey into this universe. If I allowed my curiosity to get the better of me, I would discover there is so much more to this show than superficial entertainment. Now that I have dabbled with the classic doctors and took the time to try learning more about this marvellous show and its community, I am thankful for the people I have met along the way and for the closeness it has brought to me and my family as a new member of the Whovian community. 

 

When I come across other fans who think that this is all there is and it's okay to only know one or two doctors, I hang my head a bit lower these days. It is like saying you understand the Trek universe, because you watched Enterprise but none of the other series or movies. Or you truly understand Star Wars because you saw one film or better yet an episode of Robot Chicken or Family  Guy without watching the rest. Better yet, it is akin to saying you are a true Indiana Jones fan after only seeing the

(non existent) fourth film. These things are only a sliver of what that universe holds and only a fragment of the beauty that lies within it. It is like stardust sprinkled within the universe. It may appear pretty, but it's so very little.    

 

The self referential moments (outside of the clips) are also amusing. The mention of London 1893,

soufflé girl, reunion of old friends, St. John's Ambulance on the door,  

 

The Greater Intelligence may need to get better henchmen. They remind me of Wheadon's Gentlemen in Hush.

 

I did, however, enjoy the poetic moments of discovering what lies in trenzlemore and the Doctor referring to the children being little daleks once his blindfold came off. The interplay between River and Clara was also interesting as the old and potential new loves meet. It is cute when Clara begins fishing for some answers.  

 

Clara: So who was she? The lady with the funny name and space hair?
Doctor: An old friend of mine.
Clara: What like an ex?
Doctor: Yes, an ex.

 

The Doctor's phrasing is interesting as it would be so simple to say she is my wife. The fact that he shies away from it and then understates her importance is equally intriguing. I almost forgot about that moment as soon as I saw Matt/Doctor crying over Trenzalore.

 

Seeing the graveyard now that we are about to watch the upcoming special takes on a different meaning. It hits you differently in the same way you can't watch the guards at the beginning of the episode in the same light now that we have seen The Last Day. It is also hard not to notice the gravestones are given to soldiers and the larger ones indicate a higher rank so what does it say when the Doctor's tomb dwarves and shadows all the rest? I did think it was a nice touch that he was buried with his TARDIS.

We are reminded of River and Clara's connection in the graveyard when the women speak to one another and Clara learns that River is his wife. At this point, we are assured River is dead harking back to our first meeting with her and David. She is now the database Ten placed her in.

 

When the Greater Intelligence confronts the Doctor outside his tomb, we are reminded that not everyone sees him in a positive vein. "Doctor lives his life in darker hues day upon day and he will have other names before the end. Storm, the beast, the valeyard" These criticisms seem to foreshadow John Hurt's version of the Doctor lying within the time stream and what we are about to discover in the upcoming special.

 

Clara begins to remember her conversation with the Doctor in the TARDIS upon the cliff. We are reminded that every moment with Clara is meaningful. Just as Amy's beginning and farewell ended with her first words, we are also reminded at the beginning and end of the episode of Clara's first words as herself "I don't know where I am". 

 

It is only when The Doctor and the Greater Intelligence confront each other in the tomb do we see how diabolical he truly is.

 

Doctor: Time travel is damage. It's like a tear in the fabric of reality. That is the scar tissue of my journey through the universe. My path through time and space. From Gallifrey to Trenzalore. (Voices) my own personal time traveller. All the days even the ones I haven't lived yet. No, no, which is why I shouldn't be here. The paradox is very bad. No, no somebody stop him.

Greater Intelligence: The doctor's life is an open wound, and an open wound can be entered.

Doctor: No, it will destroy you.

Greater Intelligence: not at all. It will kill me. It will destroy you. I can rewrite your every living moment. I can turn every of your victories into defeats. Poison every friendship. Deliver pain to your every breath.

Doctor: It will burn you up. Once you go through you can't come back. You will be scattered along my time line like confetti.

Greater Intelligence: It matters not, doctor, you thwarted me at every turn. Now you will give me peace as I take my revenge. Every second of your life, goodbye. Goodbye doctor.

 

This moment seems to bring clarity to Clara, but the viewers also get a chance to be with Vastra as she realizes what it would mean if the Doctor's history was rewritten. Meanwhile, we hear Clara's talk with the Doctor.

 

Clara: I have to go in there.
Doctor: Please, please, don't.
Clara: But this is what I've already done. You've already seen me do it. I'm the impossible girl. And this is why -

As we see River and Clara talk to one another, we are reminded why both these women have earned the Doctor's love.

Clara: Well how about that? I'm soufflé girl after all
Doctor: No, please.
Clara: (get everyone out of here as fast as you can)
Doctor: No Clara
Clara: In fact, you know what? Run, run you clever boy and remember me.

 

With those last words, she steps in to save the Doctor. The repetition of words makes the moment even more special. I think the most warmest and surprising moment is between The Doctor and River. After both actors having a somewhat awkward chemistry with moments of flirtation and seemingly honesty, it is their farewell moment to one another that seems quite genuine and believable.  River calls out to him and raises her arm when he catches it without looking at her. He turns around.

River: How are you doing that? I'm not even really here.
Doctor: You're always here to me and I always listen and I can always see you.
River: Then why didn't you speak to me?
Doctor: Because I thought it would hurt too much.
River: I believe I could have coped.
Doctor: No, I thought it would hurt me and I was right.

Then HE kisses her. Passionately.

Doctor: Since no one else can see you god knows how that looked. There is a time to live and a time to sleep. You are an echo river. Like Clara, like all of us. My fault, I know. But you should have faded by now.
River: It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye.
Doctor: Tell me, because I don't know. How do I say it?
River: There's only one way I'd accept. If you ever loved me, say it like you're going to come back.
Doctor: Well then, see you around Professor River Song.

 

It is with those words that seem to express how we feel. How do we say it? How do we say goodbye?

Here are some videos: